


under the light of the stars

by whattheelizabeth



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Grief/Mourning, M/M, i read "yours" and couldn't get this out of my head so here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:34:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26836768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whattheelizabeth/pseuds/whattheelizabeth
Summary: His favorite constellation used to be Kyoshi. Now it’s the dragon; it was Zuko’s favorite. It’s silly, but every time he looks at the dragon, Sokka feels a little bit closer to him, almost like he could turn his head and see Zuko laying beside him, smiling softly at the night sky.|| Sokka stargazes and thinks about Zuko.
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 141





	under the light of the stars

**Author's Note:**

> This is a bit rough because it's my midnight brain dump, but I read ["yours" by lesmiserablol](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26803789), and I couldn't get this out of my head. So, here it is. If you haven't read it, you should probably read "yours" first.

It’s a clear night. The stars are stark against the deep black of the night sky. Sokka lies on his back, tracing the constellations with his eyes. Kyoshi. The Lion turtle. Ryu. And the dragon. Sokka always looks for the dragon last even though he knows exactly where it is. He clutches his coat close to his chest as he traces the shape. The small star at the tip of the tail, the larger star to mark the start of the body, the three stars outlining the body, the star above to show the tip of the wing, the legs, and the head.

His favorite constellation used to be Kyoshi. Now it’s the dragon; it was Zuko’s favorite. It’s silly, but every time he looks at the dragon, Sokka feels a little bit closer to him, almost like he could turn his head and see Zuko laying beside him, smiling softly at the night sky. They used to sneak out before Hakoda trusted them enough to let them go out at night alone, and they would lay for hours stargazing. At first it was just for Sokka to show Zuko the constellations, but soon Zuko had no trouble pointing out the constellations himself. So, they would just lay there, the snow dampening the backs of their clothes. Zuko would shiver, and Sokka would chastise him about not bringing the proper clothes before handing him the extra coat he always brought. They would talk about everything and nothing, until the sun started to peek over the horizon, and they would hurry back before Hakoda realized they were gone.

Sokka scrubs away the tears at his eyes. He came out here to get away, not to cry while slowly getting buried by snow. It’s just that tomorrow will be a year since Zuko’s death. It still doesn’t seem real, it feels like Sokka is in some awful parallel universe, but he’s not as angry as he was. Poor Katara had taken the brunt of it because the person he was really mad at was dead. That’s a lie. The person he had really been mad at was himself. He was mad he hadn’t told Zuko he loved him sooner, that he never got to tell him how he felt in person. He’d beat himself up over the times he’d chickened out, thinking, _if only I had told him, then we would’ve had some time together_.

Katara and his dad had tried to help, Hakoda telling Sokka about Kya’s death and how he got through that, but anything to do with Zuko made Sokka spiral, from unbearable sadness, to anger, to numbness. It was by far the darkest time in Sokka’s life. Even now, there are times he finds it hard to smile, and sometimes he feels like he might never be the same again. Hakoda says that it’s okay; it’s a traumatic event and it takes time to heal, and he took a while to feel even remotely okay after Kya’s death. So, Sokka just keeps taking it day by day. He knows he’s not the only one who misses Zuko, and sometimes he feels selfish for grieving, but leaning on his friends and family, talking with Katara, Aang, Suki, Mai, and Ty Lee about him and their favorite memories of Zuko helps.

After Yue’s death, he bottled everything up, but back then he had the war to throw himself into. He didn’t have as much time to grieve. With Zuko’s death that wasn’t the case. No matter how much he tried to drown himself in his work, Katara and Hakoda kept telling him to rest. But resting meant dreaming, and Sokka couldn’t stand the thought of dreaming of Zuko only to wake up and remember he was gone. It felt like he was losing him all over again.

It’s been a couple months since Sokka stopped dreaming about Zuko, but it only makes him miss Zuko more. Yes, the dreams were painful, waking up with a smile on his face, the anticipation of seeing Zuko walk through the door at any moment, only to remember that he never will. But it was worse when they started to fade, the edges starting to blur, like Sokka couldn’t quite recall Zuko’s face. After those dreams, Sokka would rush to his dresser, trying to find the picture of Zuko, just to make sure he didn’t forget his face. Eventually, those dreams became so common, and he moved the picture to his nightstand. Soon, they faded away entirely.

Sokka stares at the stars. It’s harder to feel Zuko with him now. At least with the dreams he could imagine Zuko was still here, even if just for a moment. He turns his head and buries his nose in the collar of his coat, inhaling deeply. It doesn’t smell like Zuko anymore. He never used to wear this coat, he had always thought of it as Zuko’s coat, but over the past year, he started wearing it whenever he missed Zuko. At first, the scent of Zuko was comforting, but in the past months it faded, just like everything else. All he has now are the letters.

In the pocket of the coat he has a letter stashed away. He usually has it with him; it’s the last letter Zuko sent to him. When he reads it he can still hear Zuko’s voice, and for a moment, he can imagine that Zuko is still back at the Fire Nation, waiting for Sokka’s reply. Sokka grips the letter tightly, so careful not to wrinkle it. After all, he's never going to get another letter from Zuko; this is it for his entire life. Agni, he’s crying again. This time he lets the tears flow. Why didn’t he tell Zuko sooner? Why did this have to happen? It’s been a year but none of it seems real. He just wishes Zuko would appear and lay down next to him, and they could laugh and banter like they used to. But that’s not going to happen. Sokka knows that, but he’s still trying to make peace with it.

He should get back and try and get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day. Sokka stands up, brushing the snow off his stomach, wiping his eyes and nose on his sleeve. He takes one last look at the dragon. Spirits, he wishes Zuko was here. The sky is particularly clear tonight, and Sokka wishes with all his heart he could have kissed Zuko just once, here under the light of the stars.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! (Also, sorry, I know that was very emo). If you want to, check out [my tumblr](https://whattheelizabeth.tumblr.com/).


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